4:46 am

i am not wanting to sleep now
i always loved to sleep
i loved the slow sweet process
of falling into the
soft cloud pillows...

i hear the angels sing
singing praises to my
Lord above
i loved sleep
the long nights of winter
especially..

now i avoid it.
almost like a toddler
not wanting to sleep
fearing they will
miss something...

there is so much to do
so much i must do
so much more love
i want to give
i am not done.

not for their
case only anymore,
but for me, too.
the self put upon guilt, lifting up
he let me go
and i sigh..

i am released.
free to soar
and its right, and its good

and i'm gonna be okay.

(c)klj2010 

back to your beginning

go walk in the early spring
when the ground
is still muddied
by the melting of the last snowfall.
when the weather is just right
the sun is turning and you can
begin to feel its warmth
on your skin as you walk
into the woods.

hearing the birds singing as you approach,
and then they stop as you pass through.
the sound of your footsteps the only noise.
and then the birds,
beginning again, their song
as you disappear from view.

oh, smell the earth!
moist, dark and fertile.
this is where life begins,
where you began.
suddenly you feel it.
you feel the absolute
importance of this moment.

it is being revealed to you.
your heart pounds,
you fall to your knees.
you are in the arms of your mother,
your mother earth.
the forest embraces you,
they all, your nurturers.
the past does not matter now.
you have come back to your beginning.

(c)klj2010

Truth

the first day of the rest of my life

thinking of my sister tonight as i type this first entry. wondering if she'll be alright. i am fully cognizant that what is happening now, the startling and devastating events that have occurred so recently are happening exactly as they aught. i am wondering if i really am running out of time like i feel i am. i really do hope i can splog :) going . it is good to write. good to make art. to see art. art is the movement of smoothing out the "oh so rough" edges. the rubbing up next to each other. creating the shapes separate but "fitting too", knowing they are connected by their mirrored shapes. my mother is here with me now. i feel like i am in early grade school. come home from school in the afternoon. most times i remember how it ~feels~. sometimes i get to see little clips. yes, i said i "get to see". it feels like a gift. i miss her so much. i want to go back and live it all over again. and again. and again..

eyes blue